Why do you always write such sad songs (written in early 2006)
Once there was a girl who was afraid. She ran when she should have pushed.
She fell in love with a boy who had the coldest eyes she had ever seen, and she felt so very silly when she did. Because the girl had spent her life up ‘til now being afraid, she didn’t know what to do when she fell in love. So she ran when she should have pushed.
When she has nothing to do she traces her lifeline with the tip of her finger. It’s very short, but she didn’t notice this until her mother went away. As if her disappearance had somehow cut it off.
~~*~~
“I don’t. Please listen to me. I want you to stay out of my way. When I enter a room, I want you to leave it. I want….God, you make everything so fucked-up.”
Paus. Nod.
~~*~~
Once there was a boy who was afraid. He pushed when he should have spoken.
He fell in love with a girl who had the worst temper he had ever seen, and he felt very out of control when he did. Because the boy had spent his life up ‘til now being afraid, he didn’t know what to do when he fell in love. So he pushed when he should have spoken.
He has always been alone. This is not something which he thinks about, it just is. A peculiar distance has always played a part in his life, and so he became a peculiar boy that grew up to be an awful man. So sorry.
~~*~~
The first time they kissed it was to punish.
why are you doing this to me
The second time came seconds after the first one, and meant that even though she knew that he was beaten and he knew that she knew nothing and they only kissed the first time to punish each other, they could do it again and it still meant nothing.
pretty boy
The third time was this time, because they didn’t really kiss all that much.
Ventura Highway, in the sunshine
Where the days are longer
The nights are stronger than moonshine
You're gonna go I know
~~*~~
“I know now.”
“You know shit.”
“I know that my hair is brown.”
“That’s a stupid statement. Of course you know your hair is brown. But that doesn’t change the fact that you know shit.”
“You should touch up on your arguments.”
Glare. “What exactly did you come in here for? Because it seems to me that you’re failing spectacularly.”
“Do you really want answers?”
“Not really, no. I’m no Tom Cruise. Heh.”
“You’re disturbed, girly. Disturbed, and…and you can't make proper tea!”
Scratch of chair against floor. Bang of cupboards. “When you look yourself in the mirror tonight, you’re gonna be so embarassed over what just came out of your mouth. This is pointless.”
And it was.
~~*~~
She never really believed in this moment. She hoped, sure, but you know the way it goes with hope being the last thing remaining and bladiblah. She fantazised and dreamed and looked at him and saw something else. Then he opened his mouth one day, and everything actually happened the way she had envisioned it. The problem was that her feelings on the matter was completely wrong. She was supposed to know deep down that she liked him, despite all his shit. And she really didn’t.
She really didn’t like him. And that’s where she got it wrong. Because you can’t imagine what it’s like to love someone like that without liking them, before it happens.
They were like the opposite of an arranged marriage. Growing to like someone, out of love – aching when the person touched you, but never laughing at their jokes.
~~*~~
Yeah, yeah, this is the story about ugly lovin’.
~~*~~
“So…I, shit. I wasn’t supposed to come to you, you know! Why the fuck did you stay away, fucker?”
“Because you swear too much.”
Silence. Wobble. Flutter.
“You push me too much.”
“And you have an ability to disappear without ever moving your feet. Nice. Not many people can run while still yelling at the one they’re running from.”
Heart dying on the floor. Flopp flopp.
“Damnit!”
And so this was the third time they kissed.
~~*~~
“ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HER? BECAUSE IF YOU HURT HER, I’M GONNA-”
“Her face won’t disappear when I close my eyes.”
“Aw. That’s cute, man.”
“No, it’s not. It’s a scowling face! Stop laughing at me, you jerk!”
“Kissy kissy. It is cute. Not at all romantic, but hey – I’ll take what I can get.”
~~*~~
It was a nice day out, blue sky and clear breeze and leaves on the ground. Her dress was very pretty. Her hair flowed down the side of his arm, red hightlights glinting in the sun. He was handsome, even though there was this itch on the side of his thigh, and they were finally past all the puking and pacing and comfort from best men and braidsmaids.
“I can’t believe you forgot the key.”
And this could have been the end. But one day, her face flushed and red and peeking out at him from underneath the quilt…she had proposed. Because he had brought her a can of tomato soup when she was sick. He got the stupid soup wrong every time, and she still sort of liked seeing him when she woke up. She figures that has to count for something.
He said yes. She makes him feel less alone. Mainly because she’s always in his face, yelling, but he figures that has to count for something.
So they got married. And they decided to kiss a little more. And when they have nothing to do, he traces her lifeline with the tip of his finger.